In this series, I illuminate the individual poems of the Edda—that most famous, epic masterpiece of Icelandic literary tradition—with humour, vulgarity and modern realness. Are you reading this and thinking, “what the fuck is the Edda?” If so, you should start by reading my first recap of the Edda, chock-full of helpful context and shameless attitude. Or you can just shut up and read on.
The Lokasenna is a classic story of youthful pastimes, such as party-crashing or shit-talking. Revolving around Loki, the trickster god and all around asshole, the poem is basically just a long list of Loki’s shady put-downs against the other Norse gods. He’ll make them pay for not inviting him to their party, even if it’s only in hospital bills for their siiiick burns.
He says, she says
So the gods are having a party. All the rich and powerful are there, except for Þórr, who is off conducting some shady business in Giantland, and Loki, because ( lezbehonest) he’s kind of a piece of shit. This prick knows his invitation wasn’t lost in the mail but he shows up at the front door anyway.
“What are they talking about in there?” he asks the doorman. “Stuff,” the doorman says. “And things. Like how great they all are. And how much they hate the shit out of you.” Loki says he’s going in and the doorman says he isn’t, so Loki is like, “You’re just a doorman! Doorman!” and goes in anyway.
He demands a place at the table and toasts to the gods present: “To everyone except Bragi over there!”
Bragi tells him to be nice or fuck off. Loki says, “Pffft, what are you? The god of poetry? More like the god of pussies, amirite!” When Iðunn, the goddess of youth and Bragi’s wife, tells him to chill, Loki replies, “Shut up, slut! You’re so dick-thirsty that you even banged the dude who killed your own brother!”
Gefjon, the goddess of farming, warns not to take Loki seriously. Loki says, “Shut up, whore! You once exchanged sex for farmland!”
No homo, yes homo
Then Óðinn says Loki is out of control. Loki says, “Whatever, you make selfish decisions!” Óðinn says, “Well, that one time you got fucked by a horse and then pregnant and then gave birth and that makes you gay!” Loki says, “Well I heard that you once put on a dress and that makes you gay!”
You get the idea: the wig-snatching continues. Loki goes on to reveal that Frigg fucked her brothers-in-law, Freyja fucked her actual brother, Njörður let two giantesses piss in his mouth, and that Loki himself has boned Skaði, Sif, and Týr’s wife. That is some kinky shit. Illegal nowadays, too!
Þórr suddenly arrives and tells Loki that if he doesn’t get the fuck out, he’ll hit him with his hammer. Loki stops, blinks, and says, “A’ight, peace out.”
Moral of the Lokasenna:
1. To be fair, if I was a literal goddess I’d sleep around too
2. Except that incest stuff. Gross.
Read more Saga and Edda Recaps like the Lokasenna here. Buy Grayson’s “The Sagas And Shit” book—all the TL;DR Icelandic sagas crudely abridged for your amusement—here.
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